Unemployed Piece Of Garbage

UNEMPLOYED PIECE OF GARBAGE




by: Matthew Terry
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A good friend of mine has recently become unemployed. By no fault of his own, mind you. He simply wasn't able to meet the quotas that were put in front of him. Which may sound like fault of his own, but allow me to clarify. Without getting specific, my friend not making his quotas equates to someone saying they will pay you $1000 to move a large pile of sand down one block using only a wheelbarrow, and you have twenty minutes to do it. The money is good and they have given you the right tools, but you know going in that the task is near impossible. He gave it a shot, but couldn't get the sand moved in time. He's okay with it because he saw the hopelessness going in. Now, he's unemployed and I still haven't gotten to the main point of today's blog.

I called him the other day, two days after his release (so everyone can follow along), and got his answering machine. I'm a little odd with answering machines to begin with, but with good friends, it's beyond that. As soon as I heard the beep I proclaimed "Hey, you unemployed piece of garbage. It's two o'clock in the afternoon. Get your a** up and actually do something." Which doesn't sound nearly as funny reading it back at this moment, but at the time, hilarious.

He called me back a couple minutes later, without hearing the message. He simply saw my number and called back. Which is a whole other blog two*. I told him what the message said and in the moment. he laughed. Not hard laugh, but laughed. Okay, maybe it wasn't that funny in real time either, but that's not the point. The point is that I said it and it got my brain thinking.

What is the timeline allowable for making jokes about an unemployed friend simply to try and cheer them up and help them not get down on the situation? Can I make a joke two weeks from now? The severance will start coming in, so he'll still have an income. How about two months from now? Knowing him like I do he'll be pretty squirrely by then from not being able to lock something down. How about six months from now? Resources can only bring you so far, and the well may be close to dry by that point. Can you make a joke while the guy is carrying his TV to the pawn shop?

I can say all this because he's my very good friend. This blog, in and of itself, is to try and cheer him up and help keep his chin north of his breast bone. He is very good at what he does and can adapt to a new environment if he truly needs to. I certainly do not foresee him without work six months from now. If he is, I'm going to have some explaining to do. Because that won't be funny.

Shin Kicker says take the Q-Tip out of your ear.

* - Foreshadowing