Wednesday 29 April 2015

Not Trying To Make Fun Of The Man, But ...

     Have you seen Alan Carter ( @ACarterglobal )?  Alan Carter is a political analyst.  At least I think he is.  That is not a knock on his ability to do his job, I'm just not sure what his job title is exactly.  Alan Carter seems quite intelligent, very well read, very well educated and is also very engaging and entertaining.  I can honestly not devise a negative thing to say about the man.  All that being said, and in no way trying to make fun of Alan Carter, what's the deal with his equilibrium?  Why is it that every time I see this man on my television/monitor, it looks like he's about to fall off his chair?

     Is it an inner ear thing?  Some type of vertigo?  I would never make fun of someone's medical difficulty, I assure you.  Several years ago I had something called  Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo (BPPV) .  Basically, I took a blow to the head and a piece of bone or other material broke away and caused my inner ears to not be equal.  Every time I would tilt my head upwards, especially when I laid down for sleep, I would see the room spinning and would need to squint my eyes really tight until the "roller coaster" came to a complete stop.  Which is how I ride regular roller coasters actually.   Thankfully, over time, my body naturally dissolved the intruding object and I no longer need to squint my eyes.

     I have a family member who has suffered from alcohol abuse.  I would never make light of someone who needs a good belt first thing in the morning to level off and get started.  Although, if this is the case, I strongly disagree with Alan Carter displaying himself on our TV screens in an altered state.  Years ago, when I was finishing up high school, friends and I would sometimes go across the street to the fair grounds and drink a couple beers during lunch.  On one of these occasions, my lunch hour was followed by what was referred to as "SPARE PERIOD".  Which now gave me an extra hour to consume a couple more beers before returning to class.  As I'm sure you can imagine, I returned to class in no condition to be educated.  My teacher, who was not an idiot, saw that I was altered, but did allow me to wait it out as long as I was not a disruption.  She later told me that there were several times she thought I was going to topple completely out of my desk.

     Alan Carter's head seems to be pretty proportionate to the rest of him.  Although, most of the time I see him from the waist up and maybe he doesn't have exceptional core muscles.  I know for a fact that I have a very large pumpkin (Ode To Paul).  My beautiful and caring wife said just this morning, when I playfully used her stomach as a pillow, that my head felt like a giant bowling ball.  Put that into perspective.  Not just a bowling ball, but a GIANT bowling ball.  Think of how heavy a bowling ball is and super-size it.  It's a wonder that I don't have more back and neck problems then I already have.  Although, I am thinking that thirty-seven years has gotten me used to dealing with it.  Hence why I myself don't just fall over uncontrollably.

     I'm not trying to make fun of Alan Carter.  If you take a quick look back, I really am not making fun of him.  My confession is that I have only seen Alan Carter three times, and although he genuinely does seem to be a little off balance, I attribute it to him being a very animated orator and not having any medical, medicinal or proportionate issues.  In fact, I make quite the fool of myself.  Which is completely well and good.  The old saying is that if you cannot laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?  Well, Alan Carter actually.  He really is that entertaining.

     Shin Kicker says take the Q-Tip out of your ear.

-Matthew Terry

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